Overcoming My Resist-Stance to Begin a Life Long Dream
MY HISTORY — ORIGINALLY POSTED JANUARY 19, AUGUST 31, & DECEMBER 1, 2018 ON INSTAGRAM@THEPOINTOFYOU
JANUARY 19, 2018. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt a deep connection with horses...and, although I’ve been encouraged in numerous ways over the years (including most recently in Jackson, WY, last month), I have never given myself the chance to really explore and nurture this connection. When I opened the little box, that Bryan wrapped up so beautifully for my birthday, filled with hand cut puzzle pieces, I had no idea what was coming. When I pieced it together, literally, my eyes instantly filled with tears. I couldn’t believe it! 4 private riding lessons at Huntress Horsemanship Center! Even more interestingly, all of a sudden I became aware of a feeling of significant resistance ... not because I don’t want to but because I somehow feel I’m not allowed to. Ready to let go of whatever that’s about and let myself ride. It’s about time.
AUGUST 31, 2018. This seems to be quite a week of letting myself receive. You may recall a post in January when I received a birthday gift of 4 horseback riding lessons (@bryanmade must really really love me!) with the awesome Caitlin Huntress @horsepdx. Bryan and I had an inspiring visit with her in the spring, and as I got back into the car I started sobbing.
Yes, I do that a lot when I’m opening up to new possibility and bumping into old pain. You see, that deep brain pattern is still pretty adamant that somehow I’m not “supposed” to get to do the things I really love ‘cause that’s “awfully selfish.” NOT!!! So I let the tears flow to consciously let that old pain go. Then “all” I had to do was buy a helmet and schedule my first lesson. Six month’s later ... I just (finally!) purchased my new helmet, and I’m about to text Caitlin to schedule. And, I am shaking.
I’m sharing this to say, I know how hard it can be sometimes to believe we can give ourselves the chance to pursue those bigger dreams ... and how easy it can be to push them aside and put them off.
Is there something just waiting for you to say yes to it? Could today, or tomorrow or sometime this long weekend be your day to allow your SELF? Maybe you’ll at least consider the possibility? I hope you’ll share if you do!
DECEMBER 1, 2018. About 2 months ago I began a new journey that has been a lifelong dream ... learning to ride horses. I knew going in that the horses were going to teach me about myself in ways I couldn’t even begin to imagine.
The first big lesson turns out to be that I have a hard time letting myself be a beginner. The highly trained ballerina in me feels like I have to do one thing perfectly before I can move on to the next thing. This is not at all my trainer’s approach and, as challenging as this feels to me right now, I LOVE her for it! I am getting to experience and learn how being in my head and “trying” to do everything just right gets in the way of what actually comes quite naturally to me, if I’m willing to let it ... which clearly does NOT come naturally to me (yet) in this “arena” — LOL!
During each lesson my trainer has me doing one thing after the next after the next, in fairly rapid succession, and my brain feels a little overloaded, overwhelmed and out of control ... which is clearly the point! I’m seeing that my brain needs lots of repetition to learn; HOWEVER, when I get out of my head and more into the feeling of it, my body is more connected to the horse and learns almost immediately, and new things feel quite natural to me.
I know this is an important lesson for my business this year, too. There are several things I want to start, but I keep feeling like I have to get everything dialed before I can begin. An example is launching a FB group to give everyone I work with the chance to connect and learn from each other. My head has been preventing me from beginning by letting myself just feel into what will come very naturally to me when I just let it ... which will be very soon.
I had my 4th horseback riding lesson last week, and I was much more present to just letting myself feel it ... and instead of stress ... voila! ... I experienced much more pure JOY! I found myself smiling a lot more and laughing and enjoying “the ride.” Is there any place in your life where your head is having a hard time being a beginner? Consider letting yourself feel into it, instead, and unbridle your joy!
