Gratitude Starts with Worthiness
Two years ago, about this time (a few weeks from the end of the year), I was doing my morning meditation and tears of joy started streaming down my face. I realized that it was the first time in my life when I had truly felt grateful to be me — for the extraordinary comeback journey I am taking. Underlying this gratitude shift lies a very simple (yet not easy) core attitude shift: from denying to deserving faith that the person I truly am — strong and competent and courageous and ambitious in being true to my own Soul — is worthy of being happy.
Although this sounds nonsensical (because it is), I spent much of my life believing that somehow, no matter how hard I tried to be a “good person” to everyone else, I was never “good enough” to deserve to be happy. And, if I was happy, I should be punished for it. How selfish of me to be happy, when so many others are unhappy. Going back to childhood, I can recall so clearly, if I won the race, I should feel bad. If I got the best score, I should feel bad. If I received the scholarship, I should feel bad. Throughout most of my life, if I was successful or thrived in any way that others didn’t, I should feel bad … as in guilty. The only way to survive this was always to remember, first and foremost, that I never deserved to feel good about my Self, thriving. Is it any wonder (it’s no accident), that I took on the responsibility of helping everyone else to fulfill their potential and feel great about it?!
Each of us has a very particular way in which we learned to deny our own worthiness:
If you deny your INNOCENT, you learned to believe that the truth of who you are is inherently bad or wrong.
If you deny your ORPHAN/REGULAR GUY or GAL, you learned to believe that the truth of who you are inherently left out.
If you deny your HERO, you learned to believe that the truth of who you are is inherently weak and vulnerable.
If you deny your CAREGIVER, you learned to believe that the truth of who you are is inherently selfish and ungrateful.
If you deny your EXPLORER, you learned to believe that the truth of who you are is inherently trapped.
If you deny your REBEL, you learned to believe that the truth of who you are is inherently powerless and ineffectual.
If you deny your LOVER, you learned to believe that the truth of who you are is inherently alone, unwanted or unloved.
If you deny your CREATOR, you learned to believe that the truth of who you are is inherently mediocre.
If you deny your JESTER, you learned to believe that the truth of who you are is inherently uninteresting or uninterested.
If you deny your SAGE, you learned to believe that the truth of who you are is inherently ignorant (I don’t know).
If you deny your MAGICIAN, you learned to believe that the truth of who you are is inherently inconsequential (I don’t matter).
If you deny your RULER, you learned to believe that the truth of who you are is inherently overthrown (I have no choice).
Many of us can relate to a some or even all of these. After all, we each embody all of these archetypes in different ways.
To figure out which one represents your own deepest Self-denial, try this little fill-in-the-blank exercise:
1) Who is someone close to you with whom you are experiencing some kind of friction? Recall the last frustrating conversation with them.
2) Now consider, how did this exchange “make you feel” about yourself? (Note: nobody else actually “makes us feel,” but go with it for this exercise). Fill in the blank, You make me feel like I am (not what?). Come up with 5-10 words for how the interaction with this person “made you feel” about yourself. Which word(s) most represent(s) your deepest feeling?
3) Now look at the list of archetypes above. Which one comes closest to representing what you are feeling most?
If the exercise worked, you just uncovered your deepest conditioning wound. It’s not the truth about you. It’s your shadow, showing you your light. The opposite is the truth about you.
If this feels really uncomfortable, and you want to say, “Yeah, but you don’t understand, Kim” … then you’ve found it. Don’t believe me? Do this exercise with another person in your life. And another. What do you see?
The gratitude shift begins with an attitude shift regarding who we truly are — and our worthiness to be it — and the personal commitment to fulfill this truth from now on.
I am good. I deserve to be happy.
I am extraordinary. I deserve to belong.
I am capable. I deserve to improve.
I am generous. I deserve to help my Self.
I am authentic. I deserve a more fulfilling life.
I am powerful. I deserve to overturn what isn’t working.
I am wanted. I deserve to be in relationships I love.
I am exceptional. I deserve to express my own vision.
I am interesting/interested. I deserve to lighten up.
I am intelligent. I deserve to use intelligence to understand.
I am consequential. I deserve to make my dreams come true.
I am responsible. I deserve to be successful and prosperous.
… with gratitude.
Happy Thanksgiving.