Peaking Out from Under the Covers Again

MY HISTORY — ORIGINALLY POSTED APRIL 28, 2022 ON INSTAGRAM@THEPOINTOFYOU

Peaking out from under the covers, I so relate to my cat in this photo.

Audri is becoming a good traveler. The first day she’s someplace new, she hides, tucked away in a dark, safe place. This time, she crawled under the comforter. In this photo, she’s peaking out, for the first time, to rejoin us.

Since my Mom’s passing, 5 weeks ago tomorrow, I have been in an unknown (or forgotten) place, energetically. I, too, have been seeking dark, tucked away, safe spaces, to just be.

Obviously, something major has shifted. My mother is no longer physically present. I miss her smile, her giggle and her love, even when she could no longer use words to share it.

It took me a few weeks to find a metaphor to describe the energetic shift I’ve been feeling. It’s like I’m water that has been in a glass my whole life, and now the glass is gone, and I have no form.

I’m seeing just how much I used my Mom’s life to define the energetic structure (the “glass”) of my own life. I am experiencing, on a much deeper level, how I’ve gotten up every day to prove to my Mom that I am not “bad”… so she could see her Self as “not bad,” too.

Even over the last 10 years, when I’ve allowed my Self to just be inherently “good," I see, now, I still have been trying to make up for the past. I still have felt I have to earn the right to be accepted and to belong … not just by my Mom and my family … by anyone, anywhere.

And now, it feels like that energetic structure has vanished. Poof. I still feel it there, like an echo, yet it’s gone. It’s not that my Mom has kept me in the glass. It’s that my Mom’s passing has somehow freed me from the glass I put my Self into, to “survive.” Perhaps it was her glass, all along, that I was born into.

On the one hand, I feel disoriented, confused and lost. On the other, I feel a freedom I don’t ever recall feeling before.

This is my current lifework experience of energetic DETACHING. My Mom’s passing isn’t the reason I get to detach, it’s just removed a significant way I have been attached.

Thank you, Mom. I’m ready to come out from under the covers, now. I love you, and I can feel you giggling and smiling with me. 💞